I'm not sure I've fleshed out this honesty deal with Fred too well for you yet. You need to really get that side of him before you can get the relationship he had with his daughter. It wasn't like he was stupid, it's just that he refused to be contrary or dishonest on any level. He loved Angie massively, but he'd tell her when he saw another sexy woman and say 'just because you buy your favourite painting you don't stop going to the gallery,' or something equally clumsy. Angie loved him for this though. She'd said as much to me on many occasions, going on about how some people might think he was a bit of a bastard, but how she never had an ounce of doubt as to where she stood with Fred - as`she would with almost any other men.
The point is that this honesty of his was manifest more in his love for his daughter than anything else. No bad thing generally speaking, but to some, like the way he spoke to Angie sometimes, it was too much. From day one he was very affectionate with her - out of a natural disposition to be so more than anything else. Everywhere they went he was holding her hand - not just crossing roads, but they'd sit at home, watching the kiddie cartoons, holding hands. They cuddled a lot wherever they were and you'd hear him say 'have you got a kiss for daddy?' all the time. They were pretty much inseparable except when he went to work. Even then, if little Alice saw him leave she'd cry her eyes out for ten minutes before getting over it. Angie didn't mind all this. What she said about it varied from 'she's daddy's girl' to statements about having never seen devotion like it. And, this is it exactly - pure bloody devotion. Not for a second was Fred about to let any social norms trample how he felt about his daughter. If he wanted to cuddle her in a restaurant or pick her up and give her a big kiss in a shopping centre, then he would. Honesty on milli-second impulses. It was a beautiful thing to see if you knew him, borderline disturbing if you didn't.
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He called me one evening sounding pretty irate and blustered.
'Ruk - coming out for a beer or ten?'
'Fred - it' s Sunday. We're both at work in the morning. Happy to meet you for a few - not sure about ten!'
'Fine. Me and Angie have had huge row and I need to down a few. I'll tell you about in the pub if you don't mind.'
'No problem. See you down the local in fifteen mins then.'
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He was almost done on his first pint when I got there. I wasn't late.
'Let me get them in Ruk. Sit down.'
He returned with the drinks, his face flushed raw and took a good half-glass gulp before letting out a gasp.
'Fuck me Ruk. Sometimes I think I'm completely losing the plot.'
'What's happened Fred?'
'I was in the local supermarket today with Angie and Alice. We were at the checkout and some guy pinched Alice's cheek and said how much of a pretty little girl she is. I told him not to touch her. He did it again though and was about to say something else, but I smacked him. Such an insane rage came over me. I was seething, on fire. I swear my fists heated up like volcanoes. I punched him clear on the nose and saw it burst open. I've never hit another person that hard before. His nose split right down the middle - I definitely broke it.'
'Fuck me Fred! That's madness. What happened next?'
'Security pulled me off him. I spent some time in a manager's office with them. Have to wait and see if the guy presses charges. Needless to say I'm banned from the place.'
'Too right. Bloody hell Fred it's not like you.'
'There's the weird part of it. You are absolutely right it's not like me. I also lied. I make a big song and dance out of being truthful all the time, but I lied. In that office I apologised for smacking that guy, but I wasn't sorry. At that moment, when I felt his bone snap inwards and saw the blood splash down his shirt I felt great. I wasn't sorry in the slightest.'
'That worries me a lot to be honest.'
'Me too Ruk.'
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We kept drinking that night. By the third pint we'd agreed simply by the rate of our drinking neither of us would be working the next day. It's always an interesting pint that one when you decide 'fuck it, I'll call in sick tomorrow.' I'm not one for saying a drink can taste of emotions, but that pint does - it starts a little gloomy with knowing it's one of the last of the evening and will still leave you feeling a little shitty the next day at work. Then you make the decision and there's a smattering of guilt in it. Then it floods down your neck like its made of elation. A three-course emotional pint. Anyway, I'm off the point as usual.
I do remember one part at the end of it. We were stupidly drunk - no point wasting a day of work on a mild hangover after all. Fred leaned in close to me.
'Watch this Ruk.'
He struck a match and held it at a perfect degree. His eyes demanded me to watch. The match fizzled up to his thumb and finger. A blister rose and popped right next to the nail of his index finger. I can't be sure now whether it was just the match with its last wisps of smoke or his burnt skin which made the smell, but it stank either way. I just glared at him and could feel my lips repelling.
'That's exactly how I feel about her Ruk. I might be pissed and not able to say it in words, but that burning is exactly it. That's what me and Alice are - no matter what.'
'You crazy fuck! You've fucking lost it completely!'
He laughed back at me at least - I remember that much as well.
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