RuKsaK

I bought my laptop in Saudi Arabia. I’m pleased with it and the locals back in Jeddah were only too glad to help me choose one.
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One of my students, Ahmed, was in the selling-laptops-to-people-who-want-one business. He brought me in a boring brochure and then noticed it was. Next time he fetched me a Samsung laptop. I was busy, so he let me take it home. I did.
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In the taxi home I turned it on. Played around. In the My Recent Documents I found a file: Arab Sexy Girl. I clicked on the file and saw that the title was more than a little polite, in every way. I quickly switched it off – my driver was a Muslim and this was highly illegal.
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I checked the driver hadn’t twigged, sat back and I got thinking #1:
‘They cut off a hand for this. Jesus – Ahmed’s gone and put my hand in danger. Hang on – how do they know which hand to cut off? Every guy has a wanking hand non-determined by his general dexterity. Mine’s left, but I’m right handed. How will they know? Do they check?’
Hand-chopper: ‘Wank now – I must see which hand you observe Arab Sexy Girl with.’
Me: ‘I can’t. Not with you standing there with a great ruddy, bendy sword!’
HC: ‘I demand wank now! Before Allah I must see truthful hand to chop.’
Me: ‘Ok. Ok. Ok.’
HC: ‘It looks to me left hand gives more pleasure. Please put on block now.’
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I stopped this picture there as they don’t really hack off wanking hands in Saudi Arabia, but chuck you in prison and furnish you with loads of lashes. I consoled myself with the notion that I could probably masturbate with a shredded back.
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At home I told my wife about the discovery. With our little girl asleep, we investigated. There was a disc full of the stuff: very, very German teenage-gangbangs, a soiree of anal, a flourish of cumshots, a score of suckings, and a lot more collective nouns of fucking and fucking.
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We copied the whole lot on to our desktop computer and I resolved to buy a Toshiba –safer.
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Saudi education doesn’t skirt around sex education – it sends it to Mars. And, according to The Qu’ran, Mars most likely doesn’t exist. Saudi boys grow up never seeing a woman except their mothers. So, I imagined Ahmed’s wedding night. Well, Ahmed’s, Mohammed’s, Ibrahim’s, Saudi etcetera’s wedding night.
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I got thinking #2:
‘Bloody hell! They must give their wives a nutty night. Slapping his cock across her face. Running up to stick it in her arse. Tit-wanking. More cum-shots. Using mirrors for every angle. Fist-fucking. Pulling her hair when she’s blowing him. Calling her every whore under the crescent moon. The poor woman’s gonna be ragged!’
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Saudis are probably the greatest porn shaggers in the world.
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Ahmed retrieved his laptop and never came back to another lesson. I hadn’t said anything.
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I hope Ahmed and his hand make it to his wedding night. He was a really nice guy.
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Many times, especially in my second year, lying in the back of my taxi, I often got thinking #3:
'Get me out of the KSA. I want to live somewhere wholesome. Somewhere family orientated. Somewhere I can watch porn in comfort and safety.'
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I flicked on my second-hand Samsung, Korean-menu only TV yesterday. Some random actress was stripping off. She took off her bra and showed all the Korean viewers her lovely pair of pixellated blobs. Shit! RuKsaK – try again.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

KSA porn got me thinking X 3