RuKsaK

Dickens had it made. Kids were poor and working as slaves in workhouses. They had names like Copperfield, Twist and Nickleby. They were all deathly ill. Great characters.
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At my school, we didn’t know work. We had names like Noddle, Gorman, Martin and RuKsaK.
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Roy Martin was a wide-chested kid, with a mottled head and wheaty hair. When he got excited, disturbed or cross his face went blue. Not violet or rouge, the poor fucker went blue. This was because he’d been born with a hole in his heart. Not sure how that happens, how people live with that, but that’s the truth.
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If the Artful Dodger had known Roy, he might have jovially insulted Oliver Twist thus:
‘Oy - mi ramshackle urchin. Why don’ts you go and provide the rear of our blue lad Roy, with something we don’ts want to be mentioning like.’
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In 1981, we kept our phrasing succinct:
‘Oy – RuKsaK. Bum Blue Roy.’ = go and have anal sex with the poor kid with the hole in his heart.
This was the best insult at my school. Once more:
‘Oy – Gorman. Bum Blue Roy.’
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80s kids were shits. Nothing changes.
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Our headmaster told the assembly one Monday morning that Roy Martin had died at the weekend. Nobody made a single sound in the minute’s silence. We just nipped and hit each other. Roy was fourteen. Shuffling out of the hall, Richard Noddle turned to me:
‘Oy – RuKsaK. Bum Blue Roy.’
It was all I could do to not piss my Y-fronts. Noddle was faultless, gleaming.
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In some ways the Victorians had it sussed. Eight-year-old chimney sweeps never suggest bum-sex with invalids.
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Do you want to save a dead kid? Here’s how:
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This is not the first occasion I’ve told this story. I have friends who’ve never met Blue Roy and, therefore, am quite convinced have never bummed him. However, they suggest doing it all the time.
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When a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.
When you tell someone to ‘Bum Blue Roy’ he gets remembered. When he gets remembered, a hole in the heart of a future baby is repaired.
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Go on! A million times! Bum Blue Roy! Bum Blue Roy! Bum Blue Roy!

Monday, November 15, 2004

Bum Blue Roy