Freud, who was always right, explained the birth of language thus:

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‘It’s like this – monkeys lived in a social group and inside the social group there are Alpha and Beta males. The Alpha males, being the big, beefy types, are the ones getting all the shaft. This leaves the Beta males a bit knarked and having a peek, but never getting any. Basically - pissed off. So, wound up and horny, with a ball sack like a pillow case full of porridge, the Beta male is left with no choice, but to toss it off under a banana tree. In all this masturbatory frenzy the Beta chap starts muttering and whining and whinging. These grumbles finally start turning into units of expression and understanding – words. Early Beta male phrases are thought to have been along the following lines:

“Fucking bastard!”

“I can’t stand that bitch.”

“I need some new socks.”

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This is an evolutionary process which is easily recognised even today with Alpha males still getting it and Beta males spending most of their free time on the internet.

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As a footnote, it’s worth mentioning that the English language has many more words than any other. Therefore, confirming that the British are the biggest load of wankers in the world.